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facebook makes me sad

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Back when I first joined facebook and started connecting with all sorts of old friends – from high school friends to teacher friends to friends I worked with at Universal Studios… even former students of mine, I loved it.

I loved connecting with my cousins and seeing what was going on in the lives of my friends and family, near and far. It even helped me get to know local friends a little better.

But there has always been a part of facebook that has eaten away at me.

~When I see friends get together in groups and I’m not invited.

~When my kids’ friends’ parents post photos of birthday parties my children weren’t invited to.

~When my aunts, uncles, and cousins all “like” each other’s photos and posts but mine go literally unnoticed by 90% of them.

~When people get political.

The first three things have bothered me on and off for YEARS, but I have (mostly) made peace with it. I try not to let it shape my feelings about certain people or my own self-worth. It is hard sometimes when you feel like your life accomplishments or celebrations mean nothing to them, but you tell yourself stories to make you feel better. “Maybe your uncle accidentally unfollowed you. Maybe that’s why he like everyone else’s posts but never once has done so for yours.” “Maybe my friends think I’m busy on Fridays… maybe that’s why they don’t invite me.”

The other night I was at a gathering where I saw a friend I hadn’t seen in far too long. It was great catching up, but she said something that hit me rather hard. She said she was glad for facebook, because she could keep up with me, but let me know that she’s not “one of those crazy people who’s on facebook all the time” (like me). I know she didn’t mean it as a slight against me (or did she?), but clearly the reason she can keep up with me is she knows that when she signs into facebook after months, she can go to my page and see exactly what I’ve been up to.

{Maybe that’s part of my problem. I post TOO much. Who wants to keep up with that?}

The last thing, however, is what’s causing me stress at this moment. Whether it’s Gun Control, taking away women’s rights, calling our president a criminal, calling our presidential candidates ugly names, or calling certain groups of voters stupid (or worse), it’s all taking away the joy that comes from connecting with people I care about. It’s making me angry at people I like because they’re posting such negativity.

I’ve tried to keep away from posting anything too political. 8 and 4 years ago, I was VERY vocal about my support of President Obama. This time around, I have been silent. Mostly because I’m afraid to post my support of Hillary Clinton because I see SO MUCH HATE for her from people I call friends. And I want to keep that off my own page. So I seethe in silence and I like all my friends’ posts about their support of her – in a space I know is safe for me to do so. I don’t start arguments with gun enthusiasts, or Trump supporters because that will get me nothing but stress and strife. My husband would tell you it’s healthy to argue, but I don’t think anything good ever came of arguing on facebook.

I need to figure out a way to limit my time on this social media without isolating people I really want to connect with. I may need to take a little time out. I don’t want to make a big dramatic exit, but I do need to back away. I need to take care of myself and my family and get ready for the classes I’m taking that begin next week. I need to figure out how to balance things and not take things so personally. Hell, I suppose some people will read this and think I’m oversharing. Perhaps I am. Perhaps I’m a chronic over-sharer, and that is where the problem truly is.

I don’t know how to curb that part of me, but I suppose I can try. Is there a 12-step program for that?




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