I don’t know about you, but I find that other than the holidays that break up the season, winter is a bit of the doldrums for me. I know that in Southern California, the weather’s not as dreary as in other places.
But still, there’s less sun, it gets dark earlier, it rains more, it’s colder. There’s just something about the still of winter that makes it harder for me to be creative and get energized.
Now that we’re nearing spring and there’s more sun, I’ve got a bit more gumption. I’m in discussions for something in the horizon and it’s like a fire has been lit under my heinie. A friend asked me if I had Spring Fever. Maybe that’s part of it. Maybe it’s also because I haven’t been this excited about something in a long while.
For months, I’ve been involved in things at the school, and aside from working directly in the classrooms, I sometimes feel like I just am not making one bit of difference. When we got the notice that the budget cuts were coming, and how it would affect our school, our teachers, and our kids, I was depressed about it for days, as were our teachers. I felt powerless, helpless. When I found out the conditions the youngest kids in our school were living with, I was furious. I’m still trying to do something about it, but I feel the message I’m getting is that I’m only one person and I can only do so much (which is almost equal to nothing).
This kind of thinking and this kind of message is truly disheartening. And instead of making me want to fight harder, which I suppose it SHOULD, it only makes me want to slink away in defeat. I know that’s not the right way to go. I know I should try to be the David to the Goliath. I just don’t feel I have the right tools with which to fight. I never HAD the right tools. The entire time I’ve been here, I feel as if I’ve been the wrong person for the job, looking around me on the battlefield wondering how on earth I got here and what on earth I was supposed to do now that I was here.
So, this is what’s keeping me from completely losing faith and jumping. This is keeping my spirits up and giving me, as Mary Margaret Blanchard from “Once Upon A Time” says, “Hope.”
Not only are those her words, but might be a teeny clue about what I’m working on. I hope to be able to share more about my creative endeavors very soon. Know that I’m excited about what’s to come and I think it’s going to be good!!
What gives you hope? What gives you renewed energy and strength?
How do you not give up the fight when it seems like the powers-that-be are never going to let up?
I’d love to hear from you!!!